finally after a year of trying to adapt to tourism, my course has come to an end. or at least i hope so haha
after months of studying about tourism, the time has come for me to face the big bad world of working. Would be nice to not have to think about assignments and exams, working life and getting paid will be a nice change from always being broke.
sad thing is that working life here will be interesting because everything will be more expensive as an adult. in terms of mindset things have to change and now i need to start building my finances and stuff up.
the time apart will prob put things into perspective and this should solidify and cement whatever decision i choose which in this case is prob to just not to get too close.
other than tat with regards to other aspects in life, need to pray hard and see what directions God leads and this will be tricky since ive been away for some time now but i guess this is a junction where i really need direction and so have to do whatever it takes to get a reply.
i cant make decisions on anything major because the reality is that i dunno where ill be in the near future so anything will have to wait. tricky thing is remembering that and not letting that affect me too much.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Hmm i have just had an epiphany recently in conversations with pple and in my time reflecting on stuff (life in general). It is that.. (surprise surprise) I fall for people fast, and i mean really fast. And yes that is a bad thing. My only justification is that well my not having a girlfriend before has finally pushed me over the edge and well part of me fears that I have missed my chance with well person X. No person X is not a real person its just the possible person that I could have meant if I had well kept my eyes open. I digress there is NO possible justification for falling for pple that fast and well it kinda sux to be honest. Wondering if such and such is the one or could she be the one.. mayb i should get to know her.. etc and all the rubbish.
Kinda makes me wonder have i lowered my standard at all or am i just that 'worried bout not finding the one that i dun actually make think thru my decisions carefully'
When i mean fall fast, crikey i mean i fall fast.. Mayb its the whole exposure thing, the more i spend time with the person the more likely feelings will develop for them blah blah blah.
This trend has been going on for quite some time and well to stop this kinda unsettling trend i think its bout time i take a break. from the whole looking for the one thingy. Heck just stay away from anyone that i could possibly fall for cos well im not sure if i fall for person for person or fall just cos i cant seem to stop falling.. as amusingly weird as tat sounds.
Heh I guess I need time to set aside and to really see if any feelings i have for a person are real or whether its really just all about exposure. I mean if things are meant to happen i think they will if not heh its prob for the better anyway. So for now I give myself from now till possibly end of summer. while it seems like a long time, if i actually have still have feelings for person Z, then mayb just mayb there may be hope after all. and well if after all this time if feeling fades then well mayb it wasnt meant to be . if person gets attached in this time then heh just be happy that the person has found happiness and ya look ahead.in any case need time to stop this cycle anyway.
It'll be good for me to just interact with pple just as friends and not as anything more. These few months will be interesting indeed heh =D
Kinda makes me wonder have i lowered my standard at all or am i just that 'worried bout not finding the one that i dun actually make think thru my decisions carefully'
When i mean fall fast, crikey i mean i fall fast.. Mayb its the whole exposure thing, the more i spend time with the person the more likely feelings will develop for them blah blah blah.
This trend has been going on for quite some time and well to stop this kinda unsettling trend i think its bout time i take a break. from the whole looking for the one thingy. Heck just stay away from anyone that i could possibly fall for cos well im not sure if i fall for person for person or fall just cos i cant seem to stop falling.. as amusingly weird as tat sounds.
Heh I guess I need time to set aside and to really see if any feelings i have for a person are real or whether its really just all about exposure. I mean if things are meant to happen i think they will if not heh its prob for the better anyway. So for now I give myself from now till possibly end of summer. while it seems like a long time, if i actually have still have feelings for person Z, then mayb just mayb there may be hope after all. and well if after all this time if feeling fades then well mayb it wasnt meant to be . if person gets attached in this time then heh just be happy that the person has found happiness and ya look ahead.in any case need time to stop this cycle anyway.
It'll be good for me to just interact with pple just as friends and not as anything more. These few months will be interesting indeed heh =D
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
heh time for new change; enough of the emo-ness on the blog, getting abit weak =P
I have realised that well aside from the emotional emo-ness that invades my head occassionally i still have heaps to learn before i can be ready to meet ...
1) Need to start rekindling relationship with the almighty. Other than prayer and the sporadic time alone its not enough to make a difference in my life and only by properly seeking and spending time with God will my life actually start to change for the better if not, well ill still be the same, stagnant individual that have been for the longest time.
2) Confidence= fail. as brutal n harsh at that sounds its something which is painfully obvious and is something that really needs work on. Not too sure how to go about it but something has to be done. Prob need to rethink strengths and weakness and how to build them up appropriately.
hmm these are the 2 i can think of now but =D its a good enough place to start
I have realised that well aside from the emotional emo-ness that invades my head occassionally i still have heaps to learn before i can be ready to meet ...
1) Need to start rekindling relationship with the almighty. Other than prayer and the sporadic time alone its not enough to make a difference in my life and only by properly seeking and spending time with God will my life actually start to change for the better if not, well ill still be the same, stagnant individual that have been for the longest time.
2) Confidence= fail. as brutal n harsh at that sounds its something which is painfully obvious and is something that really needs work on. Not too sure how to go about it but something has to be done. Prob need to rethink strengths and weakness and how to build them up appropriately.
hmm these are the 2 i can think of now but =D its a good enough place to start
Friday, September 03, 2010
Timing, Sleep, Counsel, Emotions
Heh this blog post will for once have some structure cos have had time to think and these 4 aspects are something which i find quite good/bad and well they can either aid u or well stuff things up heh =P
Sleep is awesome. There i've said it. And its true nothing like a good night's rest to change one's thoughts/feelings/emotions ( to a certain extent of course). from being bothered/stressed/sad/ surprising that a few hours sleep can change all that. When you awake, u feel refreshed and your mind works a lot clearer that it did the night before. Its awesome how God kinda gave us a reboot to our brain everymorning.Things get put into perspective and well if something that has remained even through the morning probably shows how important it is.
Counsel.
I'm so grateful for the company that i've been blessed with. The counsel that i have received has been so useful and would have saved me from well basically a whole big mess that would have resulted had i acted on my own initiative. ( yes i know that the rash decision would have had severe reprecussions).
This counsel pointed out things in a different light that i had not considered and now that i have heard it, well brings new light to whole situation and thus i would be a fool to ignore it and do what i think is right cos to be honest haha my track record kinda sucks big time ;P
Emotions are still the most overrated thing that continually annoys the yoghurt out of me. ( tats crap to everyone else kinda trying to cut down swearing)
Its funny how when u least expect something to happen *bang u get smacked in the head and next thing am wondering what the hell just happened. Lols thats the story of my life pretty much. still hoping for a magic switch that can put it on hold or something that would save heaps of trouble and decision making based on emotions would be non-existent. which in my case is a good thing. trust me heh
Time for the longest time is something that ive been in awe of. It has the potential to make or break things in an instant. This is why time is something that while it heals all wounds can change situations in an instant if not handled carefully. I dunno time heals all wounds doesnt really make sense ish to me cos well there would be remnants of what happened in the past and these remnants of the wounds may still cause discomfort or in many instances can be reignited under special circumstances. tricky issue and henceforth nt one of my favourite things cos always seemed to get screwed over by it haha.
Heh this blog post will for once have some structure cos have had time to think and these 4 aspects are something which i find quite good/bad and well they can either aid u or well stuff things up heh =P
Sleep is awesome. There i've said it. And its true nothing like a good night's rest to change one's thoughts/feelings/emotions ( to a certain extent of course). from being bothered/stressed/sad/ surprising that a few hours sleep can change all that. When you awake, u feel refreshed and your mind works a lot clearer that it did the night before. Its awesome how God kinda gave us a reboot to our brain everymorning.Things get put into perspective and well if something that has remained even through the morning probably shows how important it is.
Counsel.
I'm so grateful for the company that i've been blessed with. The counsel that i have received has been so useful and would have saved me from well basically a whole big mess that would have resulted had i acted on my own initiative. ( yes i know that the rash decision would have had severe reprecussions).
This counsel pointed out things in a different light that i had not considered and now that i have heard it, well brings new light to whole situation and thus i would be a fool to ignore it and do what i think is right cos to be honest haha my track record kinda sucks big time ;P
Emotions are still the most overrated thing that continually annoys the yoghurt out of me. ( tats crap to everyone else kinda trying to cut down swearing)
Its funny how when u least expect something to happen *bang u get smacked in the head and next thing am wondering what the hell just happened. Lols thats the story of my life pretty much. still hoping for a magic switch that can put it on hold or something that would save heaps of trouble and decision making based on emotions would be non-existent. which in my case is a good thing. trust me heh
Time for the longest time is something that ive been in awe of. It has the potential to make or break things in an instant. This is why time is something that while it heals all wounds can change situations in an instant if not handled carefully. I dunno time heals all wounds doesnt really make sense ish to me cos well there would be remnants of what happened in the past and these remnants of the wounds may still cause discomfort or in many instances can be reignited under special circumstances. tricky issue and henceforth nt one of my favourite things cos always seemed to get screwed over by it haha.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
heh after a 4 month hiatus, i have decided to resume blogging( yea right! =P am only here cos well its day 4 of week off and heh am stuck in CAL cos net at home is useless)
highly doubt anyone remembers that i blog but heh.. dun particularly want that many pple to actually hah
anyways.. spent past 5 days in capital of NZ, Wellington and wow.. am really impressed. well other than fact i spent $100 min on mostly food there; the city itself is pretty nice, finally can see shopping areas and well dinner on most nights was malaysian food haa and bfast n lunch was either at cafes or just wherever. had quite a bit of coffee and bubble tea so tats kinda where most of expenditure went too. company was awesome and managed to see and hang out with Jolyn, Jun, Derek ,Grace Mart and Jen apart from my travelling companions. Felt great hanging out with crew even if we were in totally different city from before. Elim welly was quite good but wow Arise was so concerty it felt surreal. Bit hard to compare churches per say but both were interesting experiences. Managed to wander round city and covered parts of Te PAPA so that was good considering learnt bout it in TOUR 301
welly would be a possible prospect to move to if job hunt fails here in dunny and well looking at the job situation here it may be a reality if nothing opens up.
in terms of getting away from dunedin and all assorted stuff that comes along with it id say it worked cos din actually bother me till i realized i had to come back and hadnt done as much thinking bout stuff as i supposed to .. failz lol
what can i say, as much as im tempted to revert to my old ways of running; there has to be a better solution to problem than just running. at some point i will have to stop and face problem and running will just be delaying it.
was reading an artcle by boundless bout relationships and it really struck & remained stuck in my head. well it basically said in a nutshell that it is always the guys responsibility to take the lead and well basically ask a gal out. when a gal does it, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and makes it weird, which kinda makes sense.
I have no problem agreeing with tat statement by any means. its just tat lol, my personality kinda stands in the way in that well im not the most outgoing bloke out there and well talking to gals ( most actually still scares the living erm well.. stuffing of me ).
Granted there are the few that by some miracle i dun freeze up and go all awkward on its just based on my well lack of exposure to communicating with the opposite gender growing up kinda built a wall of some kind of i kinda cant really open up to them straight away. The gals that i do know, prob can attest to fact that well in beginning ( and possibly even now) i was like awkward as. i would like to think it has changed cos well 26 years on earth should have taught me something.. at ..least// or hope heh
and well to make things more interesting, if i were to ask anyone out like out out date wise.. lols that would be monumental.. if not eppic cos haha guess the pressure of being on actual date would be kinda immense.
fyi im not making excuses for not doing so, this is just explanation on thought process.
oh ya back to the post,
basically i have to risk everything i had with the individual; friendship and all on the line just to gauge whether she likes me as well or whether its just a crush which i unfortunately have problem of falling for ppl way before i know its mutual. it may seem amusing but its not . trust me i know
=D
id say well i will step up to do it. its just heh kinda scary like jumping off a aeroplane without a parachute cos well u kinda dun really know how its goin to turn out. yes yes i know by actions u can hint as it but well until u say it, God din make us all mindreaders so only by saying it will person actually know what ur thinking. and yes after all the ranting and seemingly meanless ranting im kinda in situation but well have complications which well make situation all the more delicate haha
part of me wants to just run away and leave it to God and his timing but well other hand is that God made man to be able to take the hits and to take charge and lead( different from run away and hide). so either way am still kinda stuck. to move forward from this the usual way ie; run like hell and hope that everything i felt for person will go away, or seek wait on God and IF opportunity arises, deal with it?
choices choices. gotta love freedom of choice. as a son of God, to move forward in faith, trust? or to sneak steathfully and run like mad if things dun work out..
*note to self running option while tried and tested before, it kinda din really help situation in any way.. actually made it worst*
Option 3 is well trust that God knows whats best for me and whether anything will happen will eventually happen in his time.. i guess i know that this is the only option i have its just.. argh having to leave it.. not fun but hey guess who created the universe and everything in it.. and me and well i would like to think that God who could do all that .. would kinda know whos best for me.. and hope that I can get my head out of the sand long enough to see her and react accordingly.
heh finally run out of things to say.. anything else will come tmr.. or later today whichever i feel like..
heh no uni= time to blog haha ftw!!
highly doubt anyone remembers that i blog but heh.. dun particularly want that many pple to actually hah
anyways.. spent past 5 days in capital of NZ, Wellington and wow.. am really impressed. well other than fact i spent $100 min on mostly food there; the city itself is pretty nice, finally can see shopping areas and well dinner on most nights was malaysian food haa and bfast n lunch was either at cafes or just wherever. had quite a bit of coffee and bubble tea so tats kinda where most of expenditure went too. company was awesome and managed to see and hang out with Jolyn, Jun, Derek ,Grace Mart and Jen apart from my travelling companions. Felt great hanging out with crew even if we were in totally different city from before. Elim welly was quite good but wow Arise was so concerty it felt surreal. Bit hard to compare churches per say but both were interesting experiences. Managed to wander round city and covered parts of Te PAPA so that was good considering learnt bout it in TOUR 301
welly would be a possible prospect to move to if job hunt fails here in dunny and well looking at the job situation here it may be a reality if nothing opens up.
in terms of getting away from dunedin and all assorted stuff that comes along with it id say it worked cos din actually bother me till i realized i had to come back and hadnt done as much thinking bout stuff as i supposed to .. failz lol
what can i say, as much as im tempted to revert to my old ways of running; there has to be a better solution to problem than just running. at some point i will have to stop and face problem and running will just be delaying it.
was reading an artcle by boundless bout relationships and it really struck & remained stuck in my head. well it basically said in a nutshell that it is always the guys responsibility to take the lead and well basically ask a gal out. when a gal does it, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and makes it weird, which kinda makes sense.
I have no problem agreeing with tat statement by any means. its just tat lol, my personality kinda stands in the way in that well im not the most outgoing bloke out there and well talking to gals ( most actually still scares the living erm well.. stuffing of me ).
Granted there are the few that by some miracle i dun freeze up and go all awkward on its just based on my well lack of exposure to communicating with the opposite gender growing up kinda built a wall of some kind of i kinda cant really open up to them straight away. The gals that i do know, prob can attest to fact that well in beginning ( and possibly even now) i was like awkward as. i would like to think it has changed cos well 26 years on earth should have taught me something.. at ..least// or hope heh
and well to make things more interesting, if i were to ask anyone out like out out date wise.. lols that would be monumental.. if not eppic cos haha guess the pressure of being on actual date would be kinda immense.
fyi im not making excuses for not doing so, this is just explanation on thought process.
oh ya back to the post,
basically i have to risk everything i had with the individual; friendship and all on the line just to gauge whether she likes me as well or whether its just a crush which i unfortunately have problem of falling for ppl way before i know its mutual. it may seem amusing but its not . trust me i know
=D
id say well i will step up to do it. its just heh kinda scary like jumping off a aeroplane without a parachute cos well u kinda dun really know how its goin to turn out. yes yes i know by actions u can hint as it but well until u say it, God din make us all mindreaders so only by saying it will person actually know what ur thinking. and yes after all the ranting and seemingly meanless ranting im kinda in situation but well have complications which well make situation all the more delicate haha
part of me wants to just run away and leave it to God and his timing but well other hand is that God made man to be able to take the hits and to take charge and lead( different from run away and hide). so either way am still kinda stuck. to move forward from this the usual way ie; run like hell and hope that everything i felt for person will go away, or seek wait on God and IF opportunity arises, deal with it?
choices choices. gotta love freedom of choice. as a son of God, to move forward in faith, trust? or to sneak steathfully and run like mad if things dun work out..
*note to self running option while tried and tested before, it kinda din really help situation in any way.. actually made it worst*
Option 3 is well trust that God knows whats best for me and whether anything will happen will eventually happen in his time.. i guess i know that this is the only option i have its just.. argh having to leave it.. not fun but hey guess who created the universe and everything in it.. and me and well i would like to think that God who could do all that .. would kinda know whos best for me.. and hope that I can get my head out of the sand long enough to see her and react accordingly.
heh finally run out of things to say.. anything else will come tmr.. or later today whichever i feel like..
heh no uni= time to blog haha ftw!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
hmm funny how i end up only thinking bout blogging when i get ephiphany's or get particularly emo.. guess then its been good that i haven been on a while.. or is it heh?
anyways my latest revelation came as a result on hearing two of my dear friends have decided to go their seperate ways after two years of being together. This couple is one of those that i really look up to and well to hear that this was happening kinda came as a surprise to me and im still kinda reeling from it. earlier today i had lunch with a friend and we were talking bout how the weird trend is that somehow couples that seem to be with each other for quite a while seem to be seperating after being together for quite some time..ive actually kinda wondered why this was so.
Came to the conclusion that well it depends on the individuals . for couples that remain together for ages, both sides hve to be at a level of maturity that is constant and doesnt fluctuate much in good times or not. not to say that its wrong for younger couples to get together , its just that the trend seems to be if either party tends to fluctuate emotionally or mentally or in whatever shape or form then well something is unbalanced.
this is excluding the fact that while some may be mature for their years, there is still that possibility of fluctuating somewhat and that is something that i guess years will only solidify. This doesn't necessarily mean that i'm ruling out the possibility of going out with someone younger than me.. its just well something that has to be thought through carefully. if and when that ever happens haha
other aspects of life.. kinda busy as so oh well boring stuff basically.
anyways my latest revelation came as a result on hearing two of my dear friends have decided to go their seperate ways after two years of being together. This couple is one of those that i really look up to and well to hear that this was happening kinda came as a surprise to me and im still kinda reeling from it. earlier today i had lunch with a friend and we were talking bout how the weird trend is that somehow couples that seem to be with each other for quite a while seem to be seperating after being together for quite some time..ive actually kinda wondered why this was so.
Came to the conclusion that well it depends on the individuals . for couples that remain together for ages, both sides hve to be at a level of maturity that is constant and doesnt fluctuate much in good times or not. not to say that its wrong for younger couples to get together , its just that the trend seems to be if either party tends to fluctuate emotionally or mentally or in whatever shape or form then well something is unbalanced.
this is excluding the fact that while some may be mature for their years, there is still that possibility of fluctuating somewhat and that is something that i guess years will only solidify. This doesn't necessarily mean that i'm ruling out the possibility of going out with someone younger than me.. its just well something that has to be thought through carefully. if and when that ever happens haha
other aspects of life.. kinda busy as so oh well boring stuff basically.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
today i discovered something during my expedition to south Dunedin. heh since it was a good day to walk, i walked from home to south D and whilst wanted to walk to beach, it got cold so changed mind heh. i realized that i have been a 'selfish' christian in the sense that i always come to God only when i want stuff like favour, blessing and well kinda take God for granted. Rather than living to serve him, I end up using him in that sense. Which really sucks and well this walk gave me time to think. While i have a rough idea of what my future is, would rather live my life according to his plan for my life, rather than what i want to do. I mean who else would know me better than the one who created me. My knowledge is scarcely limited and by all accounts i consider myself average. In actual fact, Im blessed to be here and to have my life the way it is. Guess im finally tired of trying to live life my way.. time to let God take over and let his will be done through me. Just my revelation in my journey of life and well.. cant wait to live his plan for my life. Cos it will be better than what i think my life could be heh.
REady when you are Lord. hee~
REady when you are Lord. hee~
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