Ah ok. I can now say I’ve tried to use the new approach to my predicament and well surprise surprise it sucks bad.. Initially in theory it turned out quite well but somehow after more brainstorming.(ie time to think and reflect ps damn really have quite a lot of chances to do tat) realized tat it is not going to work and there is no point in me deluding myself otherwise.. There is only so much a person can do as a friend and beyond that it’ll just seem like nagging so I’ve come to a decision..
On another note I’ve noticed that once strong feelings for someone r birthed, there are two possible outcomes.. 1 is good the other is bad.. Good is that u can be there as a friend and hope the person makes the right decisions in general. Basically care for person etc.. blah blah blah sorta like nagging but as a friend.. The other which is commonly used by some is the somewhat cruel & harsh method of breaking contact , distancing self and in a nutshell leaving the person totally to live their own life with no interference whatsoever.
Of these two both are highly debatable and there are pro’s and con’s for both.. but there is no clear better choice.. The choices are both tough and thought somewhat hard on a person but sometimes when nothing can be done.. it does seem to be feasible.. Plus point for good option is that you can continue to be there as support for person if the need arises.. The bad point is that if things go bad.. you’ll be hurt as well cos of how close u are to person.. Plus point for bad outcome.. well basically nothing that happens to the person will phase u for the simple and logical reason.. it doesn’t matter to u anymore.. the choice has been made and well u have decided that no point in u continually getting hurt by what happens to fren. Bad point is well, .. erm.. haha up to this stage haven thought about the bad point of it yet so its still under works.
But the main thing of the choices u make is how your future friendship with the person will go on.. If good choice then you can be a close fren, confidant etc.. ps that means if fren goes thru hurt well so will u
If bad choice everything is gone.. so whether the person is happy, sad or whatever just doesn’t mean anything.. u have lost a friend fullstop
So the debate continues to go on which is more suitable for u?.
Can u bear to be on good terms with the person ie being happy with person, close friendship stuff like tat?
Or will u choose other path(not easier by a longshot) and just fade into the background and disappear from person ‘s sight
Two choices which have to made.. Which one will U choose..
I have no idea(for once) cos when faced with this situation.. I cant seem to decide. Which would mean more to me, my friendship with person or the peace of mind knowing that nothing the person can ever do will ever affect me again..
For once I leave the options there and hope the choice I make will be the right one
Nite

Hi there all who read or just stumbled across this blog by accident.. this is just the life of a erm.. mature student in uni of otago foundation yr..
Ah well work week is finally over .. and not a moment too soon.. we received news that we’ll have to sit for 2 test next wk acc’s and nz studies.. oh well all the life of students I guess. Anyways other than sch .. its been almost one week since.. incident happened and things are pretty much back to normal..
Now I view people a bit differently but not in a bad way.. just gotta be careful and watch how things happen.. misunderstandings have been cleared up and well most of life is back to normal.. guess for some people being frens only would be good for some pple and well reality is things change around us daily.. only thing tat I hope doesn’t change will be the friends u have.. for that reason I decided to bury the hatchet will person I was ranting and raving bout.. if u read wat I said then.. well stuff it cos im sick of way I’ve been handling stuff and its time for a change.. heck its not goin to be easy but since when is anything suppose to be ez. Frens are there when things are good and bad.. and most will last u when things get shitty.. so for tat im attempting to change the way I view stuff and hopefully it works this time… if for some reason it doesn’t work and I fall back to old ways. At least can say I’ve tried it and it didn’t work.. till then I will just be there as what I can or mostly as who I am.. heck may not make a bf but want to make a good friend.. this is my post for tonight.. quite mild but live with it if not ? beat it.

Hi HI all
ApL here will start blogging more often.. (even if i dun noe how many read it and seriously i dun really care cos most of u wont even noe me anyway..)
but heck writing is quite theraputic so wat the heck will give it a shot.
Sch today was pretty good..short but good.
and had my first lesson at jap class.. was interesting but if im to be serious bout it prob will take some work..
hmm.. other than tat next week had shitloads of work so prob will start doin them soon
hmm for now nothing else interesting but prob add some pics to give site more life

ah well back here again..to write another entry.. in case u have guessed for now.. i was pretty ticked out in previous post bout someone who was a liar and no good and all tat stuff
ah well my anger phase has ended and relatively sane self has taken control of body.. anger got tired and went home
so yeah im now pretty much calmed down and settled.. so well here goes. nothing much to think bout for my side cos basically all i previously wrote was written under influence of Anger.. and quite a bit of it too i must say.. i went ballistic and somewat philosphicall.. haha so rare cant even spell it.. anyways the brain has returned from desert and is now in control.. wat can i say Anger is something which i have quite a bit of(unfortunately.. damn) gd thing is tho it doesnt seem to last as long as i would like,, well cos i seem to never get angry most frens mayb not but my family sure knows bout it.. anyways basically things happen, pple change relationships flourish and bloom, only sane thing i said is tat no one can do anything bout it.. as true as tat is there can be a plus side to it.. wat it is i dunno and haven reached tat level of enlightenment to figure tat out.. anyways in nutshell pls pls dun folo anything i have said.. if u do i wont be responsible for wat happens.. i merely wrote tat under influence and anger if ur smart enuff to folo tat then good on u its merely to vent steam and to relax.. and talk crap
so in another nutshell.. ermm er.. haha tune in soon? lol

hahaha just when i tot things couldnt get any worse.. woo hoo they did..
think bout it this way.. how would u feel if someone u trusted and felt close to told u a lie and u just found out bout it?? well it could be to protect u so u may think.. i say its BUllShit.. A lie is a lie no matter how big,small major or not its a lie even if its to protect someone. so just imagine how would u deal with it.. give up? well to me its plain if the person could lie to u now.. wat makes u think they couldn't have done it in the past? how would u even know if everything tat they have said to u is the truth or just something they want to to hear. just when u tink u know someone shit like this comes out and makes u wonder. Certain pple can be trusted while others take a while.. but wat of those pple who pretend to be ur free and when u least expect it stab u in the back? how do u detect the truth from the lies.
for all u know someone can seem kind, nice cheerful? how much do u really know of the person.. heck for all u know they could be nasty , rude and other stuff i shall not mention.. how will u know?..
GOod news is u don't.. u have to take their word for it. And if im not wrong tats exactly wat they wan u to do .. wats to stop them for seeming nice at first then when u begin to open up, they treat u like crap.
I'll tell u ..nothing u or I can do can change much..
This realli is unlike me but i've come to a point where (sorry to all who noe me) Im really pissed off and tired of So called friends who seem to only last a while.. And when they're tired of u or u have amused them enuff discard u..

oh ya to note when u lie to protect someone from the truth.. it mayb alright to u but have u ever considered wat the person might feel? wouldnt they want to know and as a fren why r u covering up for them.. Wat seemingly may be a nice gesture can make things a whole lot worst and blow things out of proportion. And if tats not bad enuff wat does it say of ur frienship.. cant u even trust the person to handle it..
oh well getting tired of typing for now but yeah something happened to me(in case u haven already guessed)
and well wat im to do bout it haven tot bout it yet..
cos in nutshell when u have frens like this.. there are 2 things i can think of
1)hang in there as a fren and go for the ride wherever it may take u . i mean so wat if they do it to u again, frens must stick together in thick and in thin. who cares if u feel like shit be there as a fren and SOMEHOw things will work out.. or at least they're supposed to.in theory anyway
2) or my personal fav (which have done b4 and worked quite well in past)
chuck friendship back in persons face and basically tell person to stuff it(nicely of course). wats the point in tolerating someone's nonsense if they dun care bout u..
why be there for someone if its only goin to hurt u more and more if u near the person.. this method is not advised for all only hardcore nuts like me who seriously has been burned/had/pushed around and well somehow seem to attract this sort of crap.. i mean in the end who cares whether the person\persons life is goin well/bad watever.. save urself the prob and just cease to care.. sounds hard.. it is but heck i've done it few times and it has worked so far..
whew now realy tired of typing.. to those close friends and pple who know me sorry for offensive writing . to anyone else.. if u have encountered such pple heh if u wan to folo its up to u just dun bloody get cold feet in the end and backtrack cos if u do.. feel sorry for u cos shld have tried in first place if cant live with consequences
Out

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