heh after a 4 month hiatus, i have decided to resume blogging( yea right! =P am only here cos well its day 4 of week off and heh am stuck in CAL cos net at home is useless)
highly doubt anyone remembers that i blog but heh.. dun particularly want that many pple to actually hah
anyways.. spent past 5 days in capital of NZ, Wellington and wow.. am really impressed. well other than fact i spent $100 min on mostly food there; the city itself is pretty nice, finally can see shopping areas and well dinner on most nights was malaysian food haa and bfast n lunch was either at cafes or just wherever. had quite a bit of coffee and bubble tea so tats kinda where most of expenditure went too. company was awesome and managed to see and hang out with Jolyn, Jun, Derek ,Grace Mart and Jen apart from my travelling companions. Felt great hanging out with crew even if we were in totally different city from before. Elim welly was quite good but wow Arise was so concerty it felt surreal. Bit hard to compare churches per say but both were interesting experiences. Managed to wander round city and covered parts of Te PAPA so that was good considering learnt bout it in TOUR 301
welly would be a possible prospect to move to if job hunt fails here in dunny and well looking at the job situation here it may be a reality if nothing opens up.

in terms of getting away from dunedin and all assorted stuff that comes along with it id say it worked cos din actually bother me till i realized i had to come back and hadnt done as much thinking bout stuff as i supposed to .. failz lol
what can i say, as much as im tempted to revert to my old ways of running; there has to be a better solution to problem than just running. at some point i will have to stop and face problem and running will just be delaying it.

was reading an artcle by boundless bout relationships and it really struck & remained stuck in my head. well it basically said in a nutshell that it is always the guys responsibility to take the lead and well basically ask a gal out. when a gal does it, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and makes it weird, which kinda makes sense.
I have no problem agreeing with tat statement by any means. its just tat lol, my personality kinda stands in the way in that well im not the most outgoing bloke out there and well talking to gals ( most actually still scares the living erm well.. stuffing of me ).
Granted there are the few that by some miracle i dun freeze up and go all awkward on its just based on my well lack of exposure to communicating with the opposite gender growing up kinda built a wall of some kind of i kinda cant really open up to them straight away. The gals that i do know, prob can attest to fact that well in beginning ( and possibly even now) i was like awkward as. i would like to think it has changed cos well 26 years on earth should have taught me something.. at ..least// or hope heh
and well to make things more interesting, if i were to ask anyone out like out out date wise.. lols that would be monumental.. if not eppic cos haha guess the pressure of being on actual date would be kinda immense.
fyi im not making excuses for not doing so, this is just explanation on thought process.
oh ya back to the post,
basically i have to risk everything i had with the individual; friendship and all on the line just to gauge whether she likes me as well or whether its just a crush which i unfortunately have problem of falling for ppl way before i know its mutual. it may seem amusing but its not . trust me i know
=D
id say well i will step up to do it. its just heh kinda scary like jumping off a aeroplane without a parachute cos well u kinda dun really know how its goin to turn out. yes yes i know by actions u can hint as it but well until u say it, God din make us all mindreaders so only by saying it will person actually know what ur thinking. and yes after all the ranting and seemingly meanless ranting im kinda in situation but well have complications which well make situation all the more delicate haha
part of me wants to just run away and leave it to God and his timing but well other hand is that God made man to be able to take the hits and to take charge and lead( different from run away and hide). so either way am still kinda stuck. to move forward from this the usual way ie; run like hell and hope that everything i felt for person will go away, or seek wait on God and IF opportunity arises, deal with it?
choices choices. gotta love freedom of choice. as a son of God, to move forward in faith, trust? or to sneak steathfully and run like mad if things dun work out..

*note to self running option while tried and tested before, it kinda din really help situation in any way.. actually made it worst*
Option 3 is well trust that God knows whats best for me and whether anything will happen will eventually happen in his time.. i guess i know that this is the only option i have its just.. argh having to leave it.. not fun but hey guess who created the universe and everything in it.. and me and well i would like to think that God who could do all that .. would kinda know whos best for me.. and hope that I can get my head out of the sand long enough to see her and react accordingly.
heh finally run out of things to say.. anything else will come tmr.. or later today whichever i feel like..
heh no uni= time to blog haha ftw!!